


Letters

by tinyko



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Character Death, Other, Sad, Spoilers for the Manga, and second person for amon, it's written in letters so the reader uses 1st person, like really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-25 01:21:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2603354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyko/pseuds/tinyko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were going to write letters to Amon as often as you could. You promised that at his grave. Promises don't last forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters

_8th of November_

_Hey Koutarou, been awhile, huh? Well, I was offered a job in America! Once I finish up this last year of university, I'll be on my way there. I had to agree, it's a huge opportunity for me and my career. You don't mind, do you? No, you wouldn't, you were always so supportive of my dreams and passions, hell, you'd probably pack my bags for me! Besides, it'd probably be the best for me to leave Tokyo for a while._   
  
_Shinohara-san is still in a coma, poor Suzuya-san isn't taking well so I try to visit him as much as I can between school and work. I don't think Shinohara-san is going to pull through. He's a strong man and I absolutely hate saying it, but he suffered so much blood loss and damage, I just... don't think it's going to be good. I feel bad for Suzuya-san._   
  
_It's been hard, you know? The apartment feels... bigger. Emptier. Quieter. I don't like it at all. To be honest, I haven't even been able to clear out all of your stuff yet. I just can't bring myself around to it. I just keep thinking, that somehow, you're still alive. I know you're not, I just can't help this feeling. I miss you so fucking much it hurts. I'm scared I'll forget your voice, your scent, your feel._   
  
_Anyway, I plan on visiting my parents when I go over to America, just to check in. I still haven't told them, about... your death. They expect to see you when I go over there. I think it's best for me to tell them in person. I just realised that I won't be able to come to your grave any more after I leave. Wow... I really didn't think leaving through, now? Crap. You were always telling me to think my actions through more. Guess I still can't._   
  
_You remember that one day you had the day off of work, and we both didn't know what to do so in the end, we just watched Disney movies and cuddled all day? I loved that a lot. Partly because I got to see you cry over the Lion King. I'm sorry for all the 'long live the king' jokes I made after that. Nah, I'm not sorry, those were amazing._   
  
_I love you._   
  


  
_~~~_

_17th of November_

  
_I'm finally in America! It took fucking forever. I hate flying so damn much. Suzuya-san agreed to taking care of your grave in my absence; I still can't believe I write this meaningless letters. Oh well. We text often, and I stayed up all night last night complaining about airports and my flights. The poor guy's hands probably hurt from the constant typing! Crap, now I feel bad._

_I don't really like it here. I don't know anyone any more. Remember how you always used to have to order food for me in restaurants? I'm sorry about that, I'm just bad at socialising. And you ~~wonder~~  wondered why I don't go out often.  _

_My boss is letting me stay home for about a week, so I can get used to this time zone and to speaking in English again. It's going to feel weird not speaking Japanese any more. I could always just call Suzuya-san up or something._

_My parents are coming up tomorrow to see me and to help me unpack and get everything situated in my new apartment. I gave most of your stuff to charity, but I did keep a few sweaters and shirts and few other things. I have once of your crosses that I keep with me. I hope you don't mind. I'll tell them what happened tomorrow when they get here._

_I love you._

  
_~~~_   


 

_18th of November_

  
_So I told them. My dad got angry with me, telling me 'I told you this would happen. You never listen to me.' My mum shooed him out and held me for awhile though. I don't think I've cried more than I did then. I'm almost glad you never had a  proper funeral, I would have been a gross mess! But at least I wouldn't have that nagging little voice that still insists that you're alive. You can't be alive. You've been one for far too long. You're dead. I need to get that through my head._

_At least my apartment feels nice and homey now. I feel like something's off, though. Like that feeling you get at the bottom of your stomach when you leave for some place and you think your forgetting something? I don't know, maybe it's just me. Once I start work, it'll go away._

_I keep music playing all day, it's too quiet otherwise and I start thinking real negative shit. My mum said I should get a pet. Maybe a cute little kitten or something will help me out. I'll check out some shelters and do some research. Living alone bothers me so much. I hate it. A pet should do me good._

_I love you._

  
_~~~_

  
_30th of November_   


  
_I'm starting work tomorrow. I'm so nervous and anxious and scared and oh my God, I'm not sure if I can do this. I'm shaking as I write this. I should probably sleep. You always scolded me when I stayed up late the night before a big day. I bet you're doing it right now, where ever you are. I can almost hear you. "(Name). Go to sleep. You'll regret not sleeping. Do I have to drag you to bed myself?" Wow, that gave me a good laugh._

_I found a little male kitten that I adopted. He's a dark grey, almost black save for his front right leg, which is pure white and has grey/blue eyes. I named him Amon. He reminds me of you so much. He cuddles up to me every night and its comforting, not being alone any more. He's very playful and likes to climb up my sweatpants._

_There's a cute little cafe down the road from my apartment complex. It has the best doughnuts I've ever had! You would love them!_

_Anyway, I'm really just writing this so I can get my mind off of work. I really need to sleep. Good night!_

_I love you._

  
_~~~_

  
_12th of December_   


  
_Wow, it's been hectic here! My job has been keeping me so busy, and lil' Amon takes up all of my free time, the little attention hog. He's grown so much. The weather's changing around me and it's amazing to watch. Remember our first winter together? How the heater broke on the coldest day? We had to sleep with like twenty blankets and I remember you shrieked when I put my cold feet on your legs. I wish I recorded that noise you made and set it as my ringtone, it was hilarious! Wow, I haven't laughed in a long time..._

_It just started snowing! I'm going down to the courtyard to play in it tonight! Oh, I'm so excited! Maybe I should take the kitten down as well? It'd just be us two._

_Later_

_I feel like a little kid. I just ran around the courtyard of my apartment complex like a five-year-old at two in the morning. I'm such a child, how did you even manage? It was such good fun though, I'm shivering now, though! I think I sti-_

_Shit, melted snow slush just went down my back. Urg, gross. I'm going to go take a nice warm shower._

_I love you!_

  
_~~~_

  
_25th of December_   


  
_Merry Christmas, Koutarou. It feels empty, without you here to celebrate. Remember our first Christmas together? How lifted me up to hang the star on the tree because I was too short? I didn't feel like putting up a tree to be honest. I don't have anyone to celebrate it with any more. I got lil' Amon a few new toys and a coworker got me a little basket of home-made goods, though she gave one to everyone. My parents sent down a package as well, and an old friend sent down a digital drawing she drew herself._

_It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all, though. I can hear kids playing in the courtyard and the lights from other people's balconies and the street lights my room. I'm off of work until the new year, and I hate it. I sit around and think of you and I cry and I feel broken and I hate Christmas now. I hate it. It has too many memories. I miss our Christmases we shared. I miss you._

_Shit, I started crying again._

_I haven't heard from Suzuya-san in awhile. I should text him, I hope he's okay. I don't want to lose anyone else. There's too much death. It feels like everywhere I turn there's more and more death. I hate it._

_I should try to get some sleep._

_I love you._

_~~~_

_3rd of January_

  
_I started work again today. I'm really glad for it, to be honest. It keeps me busy. The cafe down the road is selling some special winter coffee.It tastes kinda funny and I must had looked like a fool, making a weird face on my own as I drank the stuff in the middle of the cafe. It was pretty embarrassing._

_Lil' Amon's asleep in my lap, he's so big now, it's crazy how fast the guy's growing. A coworker invited me over for a late new years party, and I would've felt bad for saying no... You always got on me for that, agreeing to stuff I didn't want to do._

_Wow, I'm so tired. I'm going to take Amon and go to sleep._

_I love you._

  
_~~~_

  
_19th of February_   


  
_I met someone today! A nice young man who is a regular at the cafe down the road. He came up and started talking with me and asked me out on a date! I agreed to go, too. It's not too soon, right? It's been almost five months since you... died. And he seemed so happy and cheerful and it'd do me some good to get out and meet people, right?_

_I love you, Koutarou._

  
_~~~_

  
_5th of April_   


  
_We officially are steadily dating now, me and the male from the cafe, Freddy. He's the biggest dork I've ever met. Amon is almost fully grown now, but he's just as playful as ever._

_I love you._

  
_~~~_

  
_16th of October_   


  
_Freddy moved in with me today. It no longer feels empty here. It's nice having another person living with me. It feels nice._

_I miss you._   


 

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so I'm sorry if this got confusing, but if you didn't catch on, the reader was Amon's lover and after his death decided, to help them move on, write letters to him as often as they could. Soon, their letters start getting shorter and shorter and farther and farther apart until they just stopped all together.
> 
> I hope liked it!!!


End file.
